"A Tragic Life" part 1

I am not trying to impress or imitate anyone or anything, and I say this before our loving Lord Sai as my witness. There are many things that takes place in our lives which we may NEVER come to comprehend. But in time if given Grace, we may be given just a little insight as to why they take place. Writing this post was difficult. I can only give it in two parts otherwise it would be somewhat too long. So before I start I want to offer it first to my loving Master, Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

Of all the stories told this one surely is the most difficult. In bringing back to memory those difficult years is NOT easy for me I assure you. If I was to give this story in its complete entirety describing all the details including many psychic occurrences, then definitely it would have to be given in book form. So not to bore you with all the unnecessary details, I will ferociously cut-it-down in size and get you quickly to the interview room. There Swami tried to warn me three times of what was coming, only I was not listening hard enough and mistook Him to mean something quite different.

I must confess though, this is my fourth attempt at writing this story. As soon as I get through writing a couple of pages I get an incredible inner compulsion to delete it all. So out of curiosity I decided to looked up the dictionary meaning for “Compulsion”, and this is what it said: An urge to do or say something that might be better left undone or unsaid. So taking this as an inner message from the Lord NOT to give all the details, which in hindsight as I reflect back over all that I had written would be telling to much of my (then) wife's lifestyle. So I will only give what is important and try not to let this get to long. I met a girl when I was 15 years old. She on the other hand was six years older than I and somewhat a little wild? Unbeknown to my dear parents we had a close relationship where later she was to fall pregnant with my child. (remember I am cutting through this very quickly leaving out many details and psychic warnings)
Like any good parents they tried to protect me by putting a stop to this, but because of the trouble it was causing we began to meet in secrecy only it was not to last. This meeting went on for close to 12 months until finally we decided to run away to another state. I was now 16 years old. If only I knew of the path I was treading and where it would eventually lead I would have ended this relationship very quickly. But in all honesty, because I was young and naive and she my first love I was deeply lost. (Years later I would come to discover that ALL this was due to past karma and had to be played out accordingly and cleaned up in this life. That alone was Swami's Grace.)

Three weeks later we were back home. I have now turned 17 and my girlfriend is 7 months pregnant. Law in Australia is you have to be 18 years of age to marry. If you are not 18 then you must seek approval from the court as long as you have the consent from both parents, in which I did have. My girl friend I loved deeply, and even today I still hold a special kind of love for her, not the kind of love I had back then but that special love which Swami tells about.

On the 14th day of October 1971 my daughter was born and we named her Kim. A beautiful baby she was, a healthy little girl and I a proud father. Our marriage lasted 5 years, yet we had many separations within those years. For a marriage to work successfully both parties MUST be willing to work together, and it must be based on LOVE for each other, otherwise it is bound to fail, and fail it did miserably. I wont go any further into this but will say because of how my daughter was being cared for forced me to seek custody of her. When the Judge handed down his judgement that I be given full custody my wife broke down in the court room. Seeing her this way caused me great pain which made me give back custody as long as I was given weekends rights, and that our daughter be monitored by child authorities.

Some weeks later my wife fled to New Zealand taking with her our daughter, I was not to see Kim again for 8 years. This is how it was, I never really knew my daughter as there was just TO MUCH SEPARATION.....remember those words because they are the words Swami will say to me in my first interview.

I would always lose track of them only because they could never settle in one place. One day I was to learn that they've moved to the other side of Australia (Perth), though unbeknown to me she would go under different name. My daughter grew up quickly, the next time I'd see her she would have a boy friend and be pregnant. Sadly this boyfriend will eventually lead her into hard drugs where she will become addicted. It is now 1988 and for the first time I learn of Sathya Sai Baba while attending a séance session. Baba starts to make things happen which greatly gets my attention and pulls me ever closer towards Him. At this time I know Baba to be only a holy man with siddhi powers, so I begin to learn and discover many things about Him, mainly through dreams.

In 1990 while driving alone in my car, suddenly and without warning I erupted into fits of uncontrollable sobs which forced me to immediately pull over to the side of the road. Trying to stop the flow of tears I suddenly gained insight as to why this was occurring. In my dreams I was constantly shown old ancient stone buildings crumbling down around me, and never did I know the meaning to this, until that day. I now know these to be my very own beliefs which were all set in stone. All that I thought to be true from aeons past to the present were now crumbling away to be replaced with the Absolute -Truth, and the truth has been revealed through Sathya Sai Baba. I found myself now accepting Sai Baba to be much more than a Holy man, and I continued looking deeper. The harder I looked the further He would take me. So in 1991 my brother and I planned our first trip to India.

A week before we purchase our flight tickets I have a dream. In the dream I am standing on the back steps of my parents home, standing a few metres from me is Swami who is holding a big red apple. He smiles then softly throws the apple to me. I reach out to catch it but it bounces right out of my hands and lands on the ground. Amazed at how I could have missed such an easy catch. I look at Swami who is about to throw another apple, only this time I make very sure I keep my eye on it. Swami then softly throws the apple. My eye's are wide and fixed on it. It lands perfectly in both my palms and I grasp hold of it tightly. With the apple held firmly between my hands Swami smiles at my success.....end of dream.

The next day a large unexpected Bill arrives in the mail which forces me to use the money saved for my trip. I then realise the meaning of the dream. The trip to India is the fruit from God (apple) which Baba threw to me. Swami was showing me that I will be coming to Him in my second attempt, in which I did catch the second fruit.

So again we plan for the following year 1992. A week before our departure I have a dream. The dream begins with me sitting beside Swami on an old bullock's cart. I am amazed in where I am, I look before me and see two big bullock's pulling the cart I am sitting in as we travel along a dirt road. I look beside me and see Swami holding the reins in both hands as He is the driver......end of dream.

The night before we leave for the airport I have another dream. In the dream I am walking through an airport carrying three bags. A shoulder bag, a small case and a large suit case.
I see Swami up ahead greeting many western people who are in line with all their luggage's. As I walk closer He sees me then quickly comes up with a big smile and says, oh, you are finally here. Good. I then leaned forward and hugged Him by placing my arms tightly around Him.....end of dream.

On our drive to the airport we notice an airplane flying in the sky in bright day, it was writing something with white smoke. Its not until some minutes later that we decide to look up and see what the writing said. In what we see truly amazes us both. There was one word only and it was.... BABA..... It was elongated in size and shape because of the wind at that altitude, but clearly and decipherable it was. What a wonderful leela. I believe the airplane did write something quite different other than BABA, but Swami did cause it to move with the high altitude winds to form His name. It was absolutely incredible I only wished I had my camera out.

We arrive in Chennai where we found a room for the night, next day we fly to Bangalore then taxi to Puttaparti. We arrive to late for afternoon darshan so we ready ourselves for morning darshan with great excitement. Next morning Swami calls us for interview.

Sitting at His feet Swami leans forward and says to me, TO MUCH SEPARATION, DO YOU UNDERSTAND...yes Swami I say...Swami looks hard at me then says again....TO MUCH SEPARATION DO YOU UNDERSTAND....yes Swami I say again...Swami looks even harder at me and shows a little frustration on His face in knowing that I do not understand. Then He says for the third time....TO MUCH SEPARATION. Stupid me.....I blindly kept saying yes Swami, “WHY” did I keep repeating that I understood when I never did. All I can say is Swami knew everything before I even opened my mouth, He played this out for my benefit knowing fully well that what was to happen has got to happen, and He was helping me in ways I cannot even begin to comprehend.
What would I have done if Swami said, your daughter is going to die soon from drugs. To have heard Swami say this would have shattered me and I would have left for Australia immediately in the hope of saving her.

Next days that followed we were both given front rows in darshan and Baba took all our letters. My brother did have a wonderful vision in a dream one night while at Prashanti Nilayam. In the dream he was observing a very large flying saucer which was sitting not far from Swami's quarters. It was giving off an incredible low hum vibration while he was observing it. Later in another post I would like to tell of other experiences with different lifeforms, one I had only recently.

When I came back to Australia it wasn't long before I was given another dream concerning a message from Swami.

In this dream I find myself standing in a beautifully paved street with shops on both sides, but there wasn't another soul in sight except for a German Nazi of World War 2. He was dressed in long trench coat and hat and standing on the opposite side of the street glaring at me. Standing beside him was his dog, a german shepherd who was barking ferociously and pulling on his leash wanting to get at me. I looked straight at the dog and sent him a direct beam of white light. The once ferocious dog turned coward and ran off whimpering to the amazement of his owner. Then before I could send another beam of light at the nazi, he disappeared.

So now I continue walking further down the street only until I come to a little shop with an open door. There I enter to see a lady sitting behind a desk. She looks up at me and says, oh you're here. She then begins ruffling through loose sheets of paper sitting on her desk as if looking for something. Then she takes one in hand and begins to read out a message. She looks up at me and says: HE says, You can have the curtain but not the material...do you understand. I look at her but say nothing in trying to understand what she means. She repeats the message. HE says, you can have the curtain but not the material....do you understand. I dont understand but I say yes just for the sake of it. Then she smiles and says, you may go now. End Of Dream.

I received a phone call from my daughter one week before her death. Hello dad, just wanted to say hi. After some minutes of talking with each other she then said, well I better be going now dad, I quickly interrupted by saying, ''WAIT KIMMY”, I want to say something to you, are you listening.....yeh I'm listening (she said). Kim....I LOVE YOU, always remember that Kimmy. I LOVE YOU TOO DAD, she said. Then she hung up the phone. That would be the last time I would ever speak to her again while in the physical.
I do know without the slightest bit of doubt that it was Swami that prompted her in phoning me that night. How very grateful I am to my Lord for that.