A RARE GESTURE 20TH MARCH 2011

my grandfather is 95 but still walks thou slowly moving around house...

See swami's face in this foto... become so old... but still never failing to give darshan.... looks very week but see the karuna in his eyes .. no words to express anything further.. i would have been happier had i been fortunate of getting his darshan when my husband and my son got it and i was deprived of going due to my severe stomach pain... i still feel Swami din wish that i should come to parthi... but still had hope that i may go sometime later... but all my hopes went in vain... now no chance to see his physical body...

one more thing that i wish to share is

usually i cant skip even a single meal in a day ...so fasting and all is not at all possible .due to ulcer i take small quantity of meals 4 times a day... only then i can be without pain ...the result being i dont get any stomach problem like stomach upset etc.. as i dont take oily fried items even prepared by me... anytime even during festivals... i hve cut down on sugar, salt oil items etc ...

but on the day of samadhi i dont know y i cud not have my breakfast... i tried having but still i cud not... something stopped from having the bf... i was seeing the time . time was passing by but i cud not have ... i was watching the programme in tv.. i cud not watch it either... tears rolled down my cheeks... i just switched off the tv. and din see the further proceedings as i cud not see swami lying down... like that .. Usually in my house itself if any one sleeps before i sleep i dont like it... as i cant watch others sleeping and me awake.... just not possible for me to digest...

my lunch time came at 1 but still i cud not have .. but i feared that if i starve i will get worse... so slowly i had just curd rice very little..

This shows my inner feelings for Swami i think so... but i din suffer for my less intake too.. where as if it was some other day i would have fainted taking this much of quantity.. I am not an over eater but still have less quantity in time... but that day it was very little comparatively...

This was my dedication to my Swami ... thats all i cud give .. but i cud have got his dharshan at least once. was my only repentence...which will remain as a dream.. Cry